May 29, 2008

The Nightmare Wake Boat of My Dreams: The Wake Dragon 9000

I make no secret that I think things have gotten pretty off-course in terms of wake boats and what #1-Pay for their new wake boats and #2-Receive in terms of a wake. Despite common belief, wakes can in fact be photographed, and thus demonstrated as large, and while I am not a Naval Architect, I bet they can scientifically be measured too. This is not Bigfoot or an the Abdominal Snowman that we're talking about after all, it is behind us every time we hit that 20-26mph sweet spot and at that point all you need to do is turn around and snap the picture.

It seems that the focus has gotten away from the actual wake, and yet I still see countless instances of people bragging about their phenomenal brand-new wake boat that cost them $70,000, and then make the mistake of showing the wake. Whoops! I have certain loyalties to Wakeboarder.com, their advertisers, and the people that post there, so generally I need to hold my comments to myself. But clearly making the best wake is not the top priority it would seem, in some instances, for some wake boat manufacturers.

So I have decided that The Wakeboard Report's new entrepreneurial venture is in boat building, since all we're really apparently after is accessories - and as for the wake, heck, to a person who has never seen a wake before, I am pretty sure I can convince them that the wake on the WAKE DRAGON 9000 has the best SHAPE ever. Today we introduce the WAKE DRAGON 9000! It comes with everything that our focus group tests have determined a wakeboarder wants.

F e a t u r e s

Best shaped wake ever
As for size - well - just open the valves on the built in, chrome ballast "tanks" that the boat sits on and get all the ballast you need. That will make the wake bigger - promise.

Awesome Graphics
Your choice of Buzzsaw plate, tribal star, or Alien spaceship logo (reflective tape on alien spaceship logo, add $250 USD).

LED-enhanced swim platform and glow-effect rubrail
Find the boat in the dark, incase that ever comes up.

3 articulating mirrors arms
Each flip up to reveal an LCD screen.

Rope retractor with on-boat landing platform
Never fall again. Never need to. Hit the retractor and slide back on board for a beer and a slice of quiche.

GPS/Lowrance Satellite Navigation and Triangulator
Does not interfere with rope retractor.

Personalized nameplate
Suggested names "Sshyeah" "A-ite" "Aquawesome" "Melted Ice".

Storage Tubs.
17 storage tubs actually. People are apparently bringing their entire record collection onto their boats now. Why leave your stuff at home when you can load it up onto your WAKE DRAGON 9000.

Comes with Manta Ray Flying Tube
Come on. Stop it. Just stop. You know you wanted to try one of those things.

Super Loud Hi-Fi Stereo System
You will win those on-water SPL contests, FINALLY!
Stereo details:
- 8 Infinity 6x9s powered by 2 600 watt Planet Audio 4 channel amps
- 3 18" Planet Audio subwoofers
- Alpine CDA-7995 head unit with remote
- Two 7" LCD Screens in upholstery with PS2 mounted in bin
- 7 Street Glow Neo-Blue Neons throughout boat....4 under seats, 2 in front console, and one in the port of the sub box
- Stock throttle removed and covered with flamed plastic with red light and skull knob
- 4 Street Glow strobe lights and 4 APC strobe lights throughout the pontoons...sorry - ballast tanks
- Blue Plasma Lights in Highs and lows

Dual Axle Trailer on 22's
To match your cliche white Yukon/Tahoe/Denali which ALSO rolls on 22's

Taking preorders now for our 2007 North America release. One of our prospects is already offering the following testimonial:

I think the wake dragon 9000 is the most extreme wake boat out there.

Indeed! And it isn't even out there yet.

Posted by erik